Hello, Bank of America, let me count the reasons why I hate you.

After I posted about Bank of America yesterday, I got several visits from Bank of America servers in different spots in the country. They must crawl the web to see what people are saying about them. Well, Bank of America, if you're reading this, GO TO HELL! Oh, I have a few more things to say while I'm at it. (regular blog readers, you may as well just stop reading now because I'm now directing my attention to ranting about how horrible Bank of America is. Not good reading)
1. your phone systems are horrible. I know someone up there must have thought your fancy automated phone system that people can talk to instead of pressing buttons was a good idea, but it's junk. Pressing a button is 1000X easier than having to say "checking" over and over and over until it understands what I'm saying. I know what you're thinking - I already found the setting in there that makes it so I don't have to speak to it when I call for my balance, but that doesn't help me if I need to do ANYTHING else in your system.

2. Your phone systems are horrible for more reasons than #1. If I'm calling card services to talk to someone because I lost my debit card, the LAST thing your automated system should ever be doing is asking me for my 16 digit card number. I LOST THE CARD!! And if you don't have the number, you have to wait forever to get the system to let you talk to a real person because there is nothing you can press to skip that option. I had to go through that 4 times yesterday because the idiots at your company kept calling me without leaving messages and they didn't even know why! Which brings me to the outstanding customer service:

3. Would it kill you to have all departments on the same page? One person is telling me that I can't do something, another is telling me I can, a third is telling me the service doesn't exist, a fourth is connecting me to VISA without even listening to my problem and a fifth is telling me they're 'sorry, but the bank is too big so they'll just transfer me to the maintenance closet, because the janitor probably knows better than any of their associates.' One woman I spoke to when I called back after a missed call wouldn't even let me finish telling her what was going on, she kept interrupting me telling me she didn't need to hear what happened. Oh, you're right, ma'am, knowing my current situation with your stupid bank has no bearing on how you might best serve me right now! How silly of me to think that. The only people I've ever had any luck with at Bank of America actually act human and admit that the bank isn't perfect, but they're willing to figure out a way to help - all of the other idiots speak in a scripted voice tone and say "I'm sorry for your inconvenience, ma'am, but we value your business." If you really value my business you'll explain to me what the heck went wrong and tell me why it happened so that if I'm in the situation again when I speak to the first person I'll know what to ask for so that I can get to the correct department right away!

4. Stop micromanaging your employees with stupid scripts and lines they have to repeat over and over. Either that or hire actors to man the phones so they at least sound convincing. Even if you did hire actors, those scripts you use sound. . . scripty. People don't speak that way and people don't want to be spoken to that way. I want to talk to a human, not a robot.

5. Though my problem has been resolved I'm still considering pulling my account from your horrible bank and while I'm at it I should really consider starting a smear campaign on Youtube to drag you down to the pits of hell where you came from. The fact that I've had similar issues dealing with your telephone associates a few times in the past tells me that you don't give a crap about my business and you're also not about to change your practices in dealing with customers. And to think I almost signed up so that I could trade stocks directly through an account linked to the bank. It's easy to have all of my services in one place on the web, but NOTHING is worth the annoyance I had to go through yesterday for a simple problem with a simple solution.

Here, just to make sure Bank of America finds this:
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